You are invited to examine where you are holding back from God's will and make the necessary adjustments today. Embrace the cost of discipleship by stepping out in obedience, whether through a mission trip or a public declaration of faith like baptism. Trust that His grace will empower you to walk in the same way Jesus walked.
Alright. So we're gonna continue, in our first Corinthians series, and we get to be blessed by not just pastor David, but also pastor Courtney to continue where they where they left off. So welcome.
So as my beautiful wife is coming, you can grab the other mic over there, baby. And she is amazing. Would you would you guys just She's full of Jesus, and I am who I am today because I'm a product of her prayers and her faithfulness in in many different areas where I received the love of Jesus through her love, the way that she loved me well. And, it changed me from the inside out, especially those first 5 years of marriage. And, we continue to love 1 another out of obedience to him, and as we do, it challenges 1 another forward in a deeper relationship with Jesus.
And it's beautiful. Would you would you say that's accurate, baby? Yeah. I I want to do something before we dive into the message. And 1, we're going to Uganda in July.
So which is gonna be great. If you've never been on a mission trip, and you wanna go, you're invited to go to Uganda. We can have a big trip this time. You know, we're hoping to take 10, maybe even 15 people. If you're you're interested, we're gonna have an interest meeting at 8AM the April.
Okay? So that would be I think April 7. April interest meeting there, and we'll be going July 22 through July 31. So make sure that you come, and if you want more information, email info@realchurch.us. Fair enough?
Okay. I want to read you guys something before we dive into the message and and before we sing, because I I want to I wanna sing together just to prepare our hearts and lift him up. And Experiencing *God*. Have you guys ever done Experiencing God? Yeah.
It's amazing. If you haven't, I would look into it. If you're going on the Uganda trip, you will do it. Otherwise, you won't go. That is 1 of the gates.
So just so you know. Experiencing God, this is actually the student edition. I've only done the student edition, and every time I learn more and more. So if you're if you're too spiritual to do the super student edition, you probably won't go to Uganda either. Do you understand?
It takes humility to follow Jesus in every area of your life, and if if if you're not humble enough to do the student edition, that's a gate too. We want you to go, and we want you to understand, man. God wants to do amazing stuff in your life, and it takes a humble heart that's willing to follow him in every area. Amen? Amen.
Okay. Chapter 8 of Experiencing God, the youth edition. It says, Luke-14:33. It's just quoting that, and it says, any of you who does not give up everything, he cannot be my disciple. Any of you who does not give up everything, he cannot be my disciple.
There is a cost to following Jesus, and the "cost is everything". It costs your life. We don't follow Jesus so that we can have a better day. We don't follow Jesus just so that we can get what we want and have a better Although those are fruits of walking in a relationship with Jesus, you will experience more peace and joy than ever before as you follow Him as the Lord of your life. There will be trials and tribulations and persecutions, but in the midst of all of those things, following him wholeheartedly and with full surrender, you will experience righteousness, peace, and joy, and it will cost your flesh.
Denying yourself, it costs you everything. Any of you who does not give up everything cannot be not my disciple. And I I wanted to read this part before we we jump into the message today. It says, adjustments are necessary. And I'm just gonna read old Henry Blackaby because it's so powerful.
You cannot stay where you are and go with God. Many of us want God to speak to us and give us an assignment. However, we're not interested in making any major adjustments in our lives. Biblically, that is impossible. Every time God spoke to people in scriptures about something he wanted to do through them, major adjustments were necessary.
They had to adjust their lives to God. Once the adjustments were made, God accomplished his purposes through those he called. Adjusting your life to God is the critical is a critical turning point in your knowing and doing the will of God. The first turning point was the crisis of belief. You have to believe him when he speaks to you.
You have to believe God is who he says he is, and that he will do what he says he will do. You have to believe that making the adjustment God wants in your life is worth doing because his will is better than yours. A lot of times, in order to be *obedient* to God in your life, in any area of your life, you have to make an adjustment so you can have consistent obedience for the rest of your life. If you just try to incorporate him into your life, that's not Christianity. Christianity is not just, okay, I'm gonna add him in.
Come in, and then I'm gonna do it my way, and hopefully that'll line up with what you say. Christianity is, you are the Lord of my life. I give you everything. And whatever you say, no matter how I feel about it, no matter what I think about it, I'm going to follow you instead of me. And if that requires major life adjustments, it may take some sacrifice, It may take some tough things, but Romans-12:1 says, worshiping him is presenting our body as a living sacrifice.
That's presenting our life being willing to say, I give up all of these areas. *Lord*, if you wanna change the fact that I'm not a morning person, so be it. What time do you want me to wake up?
Well, that's so hard for me. Yeah.
But if he told you to do it, then you're gonna have to be obedient. And in your steps of obedience, adjusting your life to make that happen, his grace will come and empower it so that you experience the fruit of of his presence in your life as you take those steps of obedience. You want me to adjust this area of my life or this area of my life? Yes, Lord. And he will always lead you into the next step of what he says that you're ready for, whether you feel ready for it or not.
And, you have to trust him as a good *God* who is is worth following, and that is demonstrated by you making the life adjustments necessary to follow him. And, when you choose not to make those adjustments, He's telling you to make those adjustments for your benefit. When you choose not to make those adjustments, you miss out on the benefit, glory of God he wants to put in your life in those areas. But, not only that, a lot of times he's telling you to make those adjustments to prevent the enemy from being able to attack you in those areas of your life. So, when you choose not to make those adjustments, you're opening yourself up for attack of the enemy in some cases, and in some cases, you're gonna experience pressure where you shouldn't be experiencing pressure because of the resistance of the adjustments he's calling you to make.
*God* wants you to experience the fullness of his presence and his glory in every other area of your life, and it requires *surrender*. Surrender enough to adjust any area of your life he puts his finger on and says, want that. Not just in giving up sin, but also in saying, yes, Lord, to add in habits, disciplines, relationships, other things that he says he wants you to do. It's yes, Lord, in giving up, and yes, Lord, in saying yes to. Both and.
Because in giving up, now I don't wanna grieve the Holy Spirit, and in and in if I don't say yes to, then I'm gonna quench the Holy Spirit. So I I I don't wanna grieve the Holy Spirit and and continue in an area where he says it's not like him, and I don't wanna quench the Holy Spirit and not go in an area that he says is like him. Come on. And it requires life adjustment, and he's adjusting your life so that your life reflects Jesus. The bible says, *1 John-2:6*, whenever I look it up, it means I I don't know if I can exactly quote it, and I and I don't wanna get it wrong.
It says the sentence right before 1 John-2:6 says, by this we may know that we are in him. Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. Whoever says that he abides in *Jesus* ought to walk in the same way he walked. The religious person immediately says, but
this, but that, but this. There's no buts in Christ. It's, yes, Lord. And as I follow him in every area that he challenges me to, there's major life adjustments necessary, but he's conforming me into his image so that my life reflects the love, the character, the nature of my Jesus, which he put inside of me by
the Holy Spirit. It requires major life adjustments and trusting him the whole time. Sometimes minor life adjustments. He's always tweaking you so that you look more like Jesus in this world. Amen?
Amen. It's beautiful following him. So I say all that. You know what, guys? Thank you for being ready.
I think we're just gonna dive in. Good job. I say all that to say, we're diving back into the first Corinthians series, the Corinthians series. We've been in it since October, November 2022. We've been in and out of it depending on, you know, if God had us speak a specific series.
We started it back right where we left off last week and first at 1 Corinthians-7, and Courtney and I made it through 5 verses. Yeah. You should be proud of us. We're gonna we're gonna try to hit the rest of chapter 7, but if we only make it through 5 more verses, you should still be proud of us.
Also, just a little PSA. Just we're talking about 1 Corinthians-7. Has a lot to do with the birds and the bees. So if you have children in here and they aren't ready for this conversation, if you don't wanna have super fun conversations in the van on the way home, we do have children's church. That's just letting you know your kids are welcome in here, and that's your PSA for the morning.
So so aka, don't be mad at us. We warned you, And we are transparent, real church, so we will be talking about sex. We will be talking about marriage. We will be talking about all of those things. And so FYI.
Okay? Alright. *1 Corinthians-7*. That's Romans. This is Corinthians.
You guys ready? Alright. Baby, won't you pray for us? And then, in the low yeah. Yeah.
Go ahead.
Oh, God. You are so sweet. You're good. We worship you. We praise you.
Thank you that we even have the opportunity to approach your throne room with boldness. Lord, Thank you for your word that teaches us, guides us, corrects us. Lord, I pray that as we dive in, that you will illuminate your heart on your word to every single believer in this room, Lord. And if there are people here who maybe they haven't made that step to to follow you, to to be born again, Lord, I pray that by the end of this message that you as you are drawing them, that they will take that step, they will take that that dive into following you in Jesus name. Amen.
Amen. So I would encourage you to go back and listen to the message last week. If you missed it, I did a a brief overview of of chapters 1 through 6, and then we dove into 1 Corinthians-7. A reminder is that the lens through which you view discipline and correction that Paul's bringing to a lot of the church or just advice on practical ways of living, the lens is identity in Christ. The lens is you have already been enriched in every way in Christ Jesus.
He loves you. He cares for you. And and, man, this is the way that we live out practically what that looks like in our daily lives. Okay? And and sometimes, in in saying truth with that, man, there's some cutting away of the the old ways or the the the habits that we've had or the ways of living that are not in line with the who Christ is and who he says that we are in him.
And why does Paul do that? Why does the Holy Spirit do that through the pen of Paul? It's so that we can reflect Jesus in this world. We can make the life adjustments necessary to experience the fullness of his glory in every area of our life. That includes sexuality and marriage.
Now, a reminder that Paul has addressed in 1 Corinthians-5 and 1 Corinthians-6, he's addressed ***sexual immorality*** heavily. Okay. So as we're moving into talking in in 1 Corinthians-7, the assumption when when he's talking about marriage, the assumption is that that for the most part, these are 2 *believers* that are married. When he's talking about sex, this is not talking about sex outside of marriage. Sex outside of marriage is sexual immorality that needs to be confessed, *repented of, and shifted to living like a kingdom* culture.
I know we live in an American culture that says, hey, you know, it's okay, this is normal, but it's not normal for Christians because Christians are Christ little Christ like ones who follow the love of Jesus, and follow his life, and his life will never challenge you or invite you into sexual immorality. There's no excuse that's biblical for that. So if that's the life that you're living, then you need to make some if Jesus is your Lord, then you need to make some major life adjustments in order to live a life that's in line with the life of Christ so that you can experience the fullness of his glory in your marriage and in your relationships. Chapter 7 helps to pull out what that looks like practically. For married couples, whether you're married to a non believer or you're married to a believer or when stuff happens in marriages, what that looks like.
You guys good? Alright. So catching up, I wanted to go back and hit verse 3 for a second, so just buckle up and get ready. It says in the ESV, it says, the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. And we dove into that heavily and we're not gonna repeat really what we said last week about that.
Conjugal rights means merit marital rights. Okay. That includes sex, but it also include includes other things too. And we didn't we hit the sex part, but we didn't hit the other things last week. And I think it's necessary to hit the other things.
The New King James version translates *1 Corinthians-7:3* with, let the husband render to his wife the affection do her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. Now, I know for a lot of men, it's hard to be affectionate in any area of your life. Not every man, sometimes it's maybe harder for the woman than the man, depending on whatever. But I'm speaking specifically to the men. We are not in a marriage for ourselves.
Remember, love is sacrificing yourself for the sake of another, and selfishness is sacrificing another for the sake of yourself. And a marriage is based on love. So if you're not an affectionate person, guess what? You died with Christ. It's no longer you who live, but Christ who lives in you.
And it might be uncomfortable for you to be affectionate, but you need to learn to say no to your flesh and yes to the Lord and give your wife the affection that is due her. That means sometimes talk about your feelings.
Not too much, But sometimes,
when it's necessary to love your wife well or it's it's necessary to create a healthy connection, be affectionate towards your wife. Be kind. Be considerate. I'm just telling you to to bear the fruit of the spirit in those areas because as you obey the leading of the Lord, he will always lead you to love your spouse in the way that she needs, and it will usually be uncomfortable to your flesh or what used to be normal for you. He's going to challenge you out of your comfort zone, and if that means praying for your wife, do it.
I wanna I wanna give you an example. I'm gonna let you talk about this in a second, but come here. I'm gonna give you a real practical example of 1 way for you to be affectionate to your wife in a way that's spiritually leading her. You have 2 options. You can do both if you're like, want bonus points with the Lord.
No. I'm just kidding. Before you go to work, or before she leaves for work, hug her, kiss her on the forehead, look her in the eyes, and tell her, "baby, I love you". I'm so happy that I get to be your husband. *Lord God*, I thank you for this beautiful woman that you gave to me as a gift.
I pray that you bless her day today, and let her experience your presence in a real way. Challenge her to grow. And, Father, teach me to be the man that you that you gave to her. Teach me to reflect your love and your passion for her in a real way. And may I only ever speak over her what you say about her.
Thank you, Lord God, for the honor of getting to be her husband. I love you, babe. Have an amazing day. That was beautiful.
Now He does this every morning, even when I'm not very affectionate and I'm like, I've got a dirty diaper. Like, he does it every morning.
Now, the second option is before you go to sleep. And and I I guess I do say like, good morning, princess. I love you, and all that kind of stuff. I don't feel like I pray for her that way every morning, but I do at night. So at night, I I lay my hand on her before she goes to sleep, and I say, thank you, Lord Jesus.
This is you know, I don't do this to wake her up. Okay? That would be not affectionate. Thank you, Lord Jesus, that I get to be her husband. Thank you, Lord, for the gift that you gave me.
Teach me how to steward this gift well. Teach me how to love her the way that you love her and to speak what you say about her over her. Give her an amazing night's sleep. Lord, thank you that she's an amazing leader, an amazing speaker. Thank you for what you say.
*Jesus*' name. Amen. Men, that's uncomfortable to your flesh. You're gonna get nervous if you've never done it before. Good.
Step outside of yourself into his mind about her, and start walking in that in obedience. And if she says you don't have to do that, do it anyway. Because you're you're supposed to be leading. Leaders don't do stuff just because their followers like it or don't like it, so they don't do enough. Leaders do stuff because it's right, and it's healthy, and it's holy.
So step up and lead your wife by being affectionate for her in that way, and others. Fair enough? What are your thoughts, babe?
Yeah. We were talking about earlier in our marriage when so just so you know about me, I am what a lot of people would call, like, a really independent person. I You can ask him. I'm the 1 that I'm like, hey, will you help me move this dresser? And if he doesn't jump right then, I'm gonna move the dresser.
And I'm not gonna be upset with him. I'm not gonna hold it against him and be like, you didn't help me. I'm not gonna have an attitude. It's just my personality to get stuff done. Right?
So, there's I'm not what I would call a super needy person in my marriage, but there was a season where he was just really aggressive and blunt, and he was telling truth, but it was just really I didn't feel really cherished and loved. And I told him, like, I'm feeling I'm feeling some kind of way, like, feel like you're angry at me, you're you're being super blunt and and kind of abrasive with how you talk to me, even in the good I love you. Like, I told you you're a good speaker. Like And, I'm like, I don't feel like you're What's coming out is not what you're thinking. And, and I told him I I went and prayed about it, and I was like, oh, is this me?
Am I the problem? Like, am I just in my feels? And, *God reminded me about the fruit of the spirit*, and I told him, I was like, you He I told him, I need you to cherish me and be more affectionate when you speak to me and how you speak to me. And, he's like, I'm not a super affectionate person. I'm I'm not, like, I'm not the cherishing type or something like that.
And, I told him I was like, but you are gentle because that's a fruit of the spirit. And, when you died, *Christ* lives and Christ is gentle.
She's strong, man.
Said, you are patient and long suffering. So, you you have the capacity to show me grace and mercy and patience when I'm not doing things the way that you want me. You you are kind. You have the capacity to be kind even when you say something. Like, you have the capacity for what comes out of your mouth to sound kind no matter what because you have Holy Spirit in you.
And that shifted for me, it shifted the patience thing because I'm like, oh, I'm over here preaching the word to him, and I'm like, he threw his socks on the counter again. And so, my my mind was reeling with the things I was frustrated about because I was impatient with him not doing things the way that I wanted him to do them. And so, from me preaching to him and the Lord showing me this stuff about him, he was really showing me stuff about me where I have fruit of the spirit too. And so, I don't have to be abrasive. Frustration is not a fruit of the spirit.
I don't know if you know the list, there's a song. The fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Frustration's not in there. So, I don't have a right as a believer to sit in frustration and neither does he in how he communicates with me and how we love 1 another. So, that's what I'll have to say about the affection.
Guys, you can be affectionate. You may have to dip into that fruit a little bit, but you have the capacity to if you are a born again believer.
Amen. And, we're we're supposed to reflect Jesus to our bride. Right? We're supposed to love our bride as Jesus loves the church, and Jesus is is affectionate for his bride. And, so we need to learn that.
And, the more that we're in him and walking in the spirit, the more we'll reflect the love of the love of Christ for our wife just like he has for his bride. Amen? It's good stuff, ain't it? Come on. If I stepped on your toes, that's okay.
Just receive it. Say, thank you, Jesus, for stepping on my toes. Teach me to move my toes so they're never there again.
Anyway,
moving forward. So we read verse 4 and 5, and and we talked about that in detail. And then, so we're gonna pick up right where we left off in verse 6. Now as a concession, not as a command, I say this. This is Paul writing.
I wish that all of you or all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift. Everybody say gift. Each has his own gift from God, 1 of 1 kind and 1 of another. Now what's the gift he's talking about?
Well, let's look at the next verse, verse 8. To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. So the gift that he's talking about is singleness, and he calls singleness a gift. Now, maybe you've been in a season of singleness for a while, and it doesn't feel like a gift. I remember Daniel Mannix before he got married.
He was like, man, praying for his wife. But he learned to cherish singleness as a gift. And every season that you're in, take it as a gift from God. Stand in it, rejoice in it, and pursue the Lord in it, and trust him with what gift he gives you. That's not the only gift.
He said he said it as a concession, not as a command. You don't have to be single. Right? Because to each has their own gift. Some of you, God has given you the gift of a spouse, of a wife, or a husband.
Did you hear my prayer? Well, thank you for this gift that you gave me. Teach me to steward, to cherish this gift. Thank you that I get to be her husband. I want to approach my marriage as a gift from the Lord, and how dare I neglect the gift that he gave me?
You wanna say something, or can I keep going? You can go. Alright. Let's stand up for this 1. How dare I look for another gift or envy others' gifts instead of cherishing the gift that he gave me and being thankful for the 1 he gave me?
You know, you ever been car shopping? You ever been just known it's time to get a new car? When you're driving the road in your car and stuff starts messing up or whatever, and you're just like, you know, and you make the decision in your heart, it's time to get a new car. As soon as you do that, guess what happens? You start noticing every car.
No. Don't like that. Yeah. I would like to have a car like that 1 day. Oh, that car.
That'd be nice. And you're shopping because in your heart, you know that you're not satisfied with the car that you have, and it's time to get something else. When you're satisfied with the gift that you've been given, you're less prone to shop for something else. Sin is birthed in the heart, but it's seeded by the eyes. *Matthew-6*.
You guys follow me? Yeah. This is not just to the men, women, it's to everybody. Matthew-6:22. The eye is the lamp of the body.
So if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is that darkness? What you choose to look at seeds what you think about and what you feel, and seeds your heart, which is where sin is birthed. I want to have the discipline of cherishing the gift, my wife, that my God gave me so much that my eyes are only for her, and I'm seeding my heart with a picture of her, and I'm not desiring every car that drives by.
Ladies too. If that hits you in the heart because you know that's the way that you've been living, confession and *repentance* is required. Confess your faults 1 to another, and pray for each other that you may be healed. And then repentance means make major life adjustments. I'm speaking to a congregation, think I think the percentage of men in the church is very high, not in this church, I'm saying in the church in general.
I'm gonna assume that you're better than most. And I didn't look up the percentage, but it's something crazy, like over 50 percent of men type of deal are struggling with pornography. Probably well over that is what it says. You have a pastor that struggled with pornography the first 5 years of his marriage. We've been married 17 years.
The way and I I hated it. It was a "stronghold in my life". I hated the fact that it happened, but I couldn't seem to get out of it. And God told me, I remember, and I've told this testimony before, but it's worth saying today. I was I remember I was in the Navy, and I was sitting in the parking lot of NUPOC, nuclear power school, and I was wrestling with this.
And I hated this about it because God was calling me to deeper things in him, but I was struggling in this area that was preventing experiencing the glory of God in my relationship and in other areas of my life. I would "give it up", and then porn would come back, and give it up, and then I'd receive it back and make excuses. And I remember calling this prayer hotline, and this lady was on the other end of the line. And I and I, you know, I didn't wanna talk to a lady about it, but she answered. So and I was at that point where whatever it takes.
And I said, I told her the issue, confess your faults 1 another. I said, should I tell my wife? And she said, no. And the Holy Spirit said, she's wrong, and I hung up. I went home and I told my wife, and it broke her, but it freed me.
Because the truth sets you free. And really in breaking her, it confirmed what she knew, but it caused things in me to break off because it came into the light. And now now, he began to walk me through the life adjustments necessary so that my mind is renewed, and my eyes, the habit of my eyes is transformed, so my life produces righteousness, and so that I have eyes only for my wife. Let me give you a hint on some of the life adjustments necessary. It's real simple.
It's real church, guys. I'm just being real transparent. Alright? Hopefully, this helps you. This has caused you to go to another church, we're just too real for you.
Anyway, life adjustments necessary. Driving down the road, and a nice car is driving by. A cute girl is jogging down the road, and my eyes had the habit of unrighteousness, of turkey necking. What does that do? It produces thoughts, which the goal of the enemy was to birth sin in my heart and through my actions to break up my marriage, which praise the Lord, I'd never physically cheated on my wife.
But if I would have continued, I would have. Because sin always takes you deeper than you wanna go. So I was like, man, where did that come from? You know? And then and then the product of porn was always masturbation.
You think that shifts when you give your life to Jesus and and you you you get married. No. If you have a hang up, that sin will only grow more dirty. So so God began to train me and teach me. Wait a second.
And and and by the way, masturbation is is the ultimate form of selfishness because you're you're focused on self, and that's something that's supposed to be enjoyed in marriage together. So if that's you, repent and stop. And God began to show me why would I fall into porn and masturbation when when, you know, I didn't wanna do it so much. It was when I let my eyes look at the news anchor's cleavage too long. And then 3 days later, I make an excuse because she made me frustrated and then I'd fall into porn.
The eye is the lamp of the body. Men and women, **guard your eyes**. Be careful little eyes what you see, and be careful little ears what you hear. Because it seeds your mind, which seeds your feelings, which then will seed your heart, and then your heart will begin to receive it as truth and what's necessary, and you create a stronghold in your life. God wants to root that out and cause you to make life adjustments so you live in righteousness and holiness, and not guilt, shame, or attitudes, and habits of your life that prevent you from experiencing the wholeness that he has for you.
That was unplanned.
That was very unplanned, But, it's good. You know, I think that it's taboo in in churches and in relationships to talk about things that are super uncomfortable and may may people not receive you or not receive the word that you have, but it's necessary to dive in. I mean, this is like a exegesis of first Corinthians that we've been in for 2 years. Right? Like, is a let's break it apart and get to the heart of God because I think all of us either, have been in this place or have been in relationship with someone in this place that's struggling with these things, and it has to be dealt with God's way.
A lot of the world teaches ways to deal with these things like, oh, just avert your eyes. Just, just don't Like, there's actually some some people that say, get rid of your computer, get rid of your phone, get rid of your thing. Like, there has to be a heart shift that says, Lord, it's no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me, and Christ ain't doing this. So there's something wrong here. And so, have to adjust our lives to look more like Jesus, to follow the ways that Jesus did things, and he gave us a blueprint for it, his word.
Amen. So verse 8 says, to the unmarried and the widows, are you guys okay? You guys good? Yeah. Amen.
Some of you like hair back shocked, oh my gosh. Where did I go to church
this Word in church.
We love you. We pray you encounter the love of Jesus in a very real way. Okay. Verse 8, to the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self control, they should marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Now, Paul's encouraging singleness. It's it's a good thing. Praise the Lord. And, that's a gift for some. But, some, that's not a gift for, and they're gonna burn with passion because they're meant to be married.
And, the assumption here is that he's talk he's talking to Christians because sexual immorality is not okay. AKA, if you're burning with passion and falling into sex with your girlfriend, get married. Stop having sex. Be abstinent from this day forward. Make the life adjustments.
If you need to move out and it costs a lot of money, pay the money. It's worth following him in obedience until you get married instead of making excuses and continuing in sin. Sin will cut your life up, especially now that you know about it because you're not ignorant anymore. And so make the life adjustments necessary. And you know what?
In the last couple years, we've had multiple marriages where they've heard a message like this on a Sunday, came to me afterwards, said, we've been living in sin. We're we're ready to get married. I said, I'll marry I'll say, I'll marry you next week if you want to. Let's let's go through some counseling. You've already made the covenant physically together, so you might as well make a "covenant spiritually" and emotionally, and do let's do this thing, and man, we'll counsel you guys will learn to love 1 another as we move forward.
If you can, well, let's go through counseling for a month or 2 months. I don't wanna push off your wedding and you fall in sin, and it'd be my fault because I I pushed you off pushed off the wedding. That make sense? So so man, whatever it takes to make the life adjustments necessary to follow Jesus in every area of my life, including sexual immorality. Sexuality.
Everything. Because he's worth doing that, because he's the Lord of my life, and I wanna experience his goodness, his blessing, his glory in every area. I sound like a broken record, but I'm saying it on purpose over and over and over. Renewing your mind. What you got?
Anything? No. Go ahead. Alright. This is the verse that caused me and Courtney to get married.
That testimony is in another message somewhere. Go find it. But this is the verse. I I was we were growing closer. I was 20, and and and she was 21, and and God had shown her that that we were gonna be married, and and I I knew it deep in my heart, but wanted the "American dream".
I read this verse, and I was burning with passion. Praise the Lord. You know, we hadn't fell physically yet at the time. But if I would not have obeyed this, we would have, and we would have reaped the consequences of sin. There are consequences of sin.
Relationally, emotionally, physically, sometimes. Depends. But, man, praise the Lord that he showed me this, and in that moment, it was, yes, Lord. I shut the bible and ran to a ran down to her apartment and asked her to marry me, but it took some major life adjustments. I didn't have a job.
I was on a full ride and really getting paid to go to school. So I had to give up my freedom and go get a job, Buy a ring. We got married 4 or 5 months later. It it it required life adjustments. My question, in your relationship with Jesus, are you willing to make the life adjustments necessary to follow him fully?
If not, I would encourage you get to know his love a lot more than you do now because he loves you more than you could imagine, and he's worth following. Feel free to jump in if you need to. Verse 10. To the married, right, so this was all to the unmarried, that that part. To the married, I give this charge, not I, but the Lord.
The wife should not separate from her husband. These are this is talking about 2 believers here. The wife should not separate from her husband. But if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and the husband should not divorce his wife? You go first.
Yeah. This is something that is throughout scripture is divorce in in our culture is very easy. It's the thing to do. Right? Many of you have have had divorces in the past, and this is not to condemn you.
Remember, as a new believer or as a as a *born again believer*, you're not under condemnation. But like he said earlier today, hey, let this convict you forward. Now, you're responsible for what you know. God doesn't like divorce. Why?
Because it's tearing apart something that he joined together as 1. So, because this is difficult to chew on when you're in a very challenging marriage, a marriage that you hate, a marriage that you're trying to find a way to get out of, some people go to what Jesus said and said, except for marital unfaithfulness, don't get divorced. A lot of people use that as They call it grounds for divorce. I I can do it now. He he cheated on me.
He did this or she did this. I I can get out of this marriage now. But let's look at the heart of God throughout scripture. He says over and over, hey, don't divorce. Why?
What God has joined together, don't let man separate.
Yeah. And and, I guess, the the question immediately comes because our mind goes to worst case scenarios. Well, the truth always cuts through even worst case scenarios, and and there's a way to live healthily. Worst case scenario, what about abuse? What about physical abuse and sexual abuse?
Well, verse 11 says, but if she does, talking about separation, but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. There should never be physical or sexual abuse in a Christian's marriage because both parties should be in pursuit of a healthy relationship with Jesus and grow into look more like him. And, if there is, and if if I'm counseling the marriage, I would encourage the wife to separate. And in that separation, there's prayer for reconciliation, for rehabilitation, and all the other asians that need to happen. There there is prayer for for the husband, if it's the husband or the wife, it's it's the wife, to come to repent and to change their life, and for there to be a healthy time and process for trust to be regained and and for that reconciliation to happen.
And here's the reality. In that kind of a a situation, if if, you know, I would encourage only that to happen in in healthy counseling with pastors or leaders that are spiritually mature fathers and mothers of the faith that are going to encourage you and walk you through and and wash you in the water of the word and help that thing to come back together. And I I have counseled a husband and a wife to separate in a similar case like this. And the hope is always *restoration* for 2 Christians. And if the spouse that is that you separate from is not pursuing a relationship with Jesus, there is the likelihood that they're probably going to end up giving their heart to another in that separation.
The hope is you're counseling both of them, both of them are pursuing Christ. There's health. There's there's *restoration*. There's wholeness, and and take steps for for healthy transformation, and eventually, there's a testimony. What look at what God did, and that happens.
And sometimes, when that happens, in that step of obedience to separate, there's pressure, an internal pressure in the 1 that is causing all of the issues. And that internal pressure cause like, presses on the weakness in their vessel. And that weakness bursts, and it they either run to Jesus or they run further from Him. And the hope is they run to Jesus and are restored. And those that run further from Him, sometimes they end up making more and more dumb decisions and and end up giving their heart to another.
Is that clear?
Yeah. Yeah. I I asked him last night if I could share this. I've shared it before to individuals, but I don't I don't remember if I've shared it from the stage. When when we were in the midst of our own what what I would call marriage hell, it was challenging.
He was He loved Jesus. Like, don't get me wrong, he loved Jesus, and I believe you didn't like the way that you were. But, for me, on the on the other end of it, receiving like, lots of lack of kindness, a husband who who had a wandering eye, who who, you know, confessed, hey, I have been looking at for And, all of these things, it was so crushing to me. And, and I understand that on the outside of some marriages, it looks good. But, when you're in the midst of it, it is it is very crushing in that marriage.
I went I I don't know if this is the right thing, but this is what I did. I needed to get some godly counsel from someone. But, because of his own hang ups, he he wouldn't allow it. Like, he wouldn't So, I went to someone that he was like, you can talk to this person, and I and I shared where I was in my marriage. It was someone who was a mentor to me, a mighty woman of God, and
And I I wouldn't because I was ashamed. That's why. And, I'd so fear causes control, and then whoever's trying to control the other, where it's the wife of the husband or the husband of the wife, it's because of fear and insecurity, shame or guilt. And and that that was the the reason.
Yeah. I waited until like he was He said, yeah, you can talk to this person. Was like, alright, this is my chance to get because I didn't know what to do because I was on the brink of leaving him, knowing what the word said, knowing I was like, I feel trapped in a marriage where my husband hates me and wants someone else. And I went to her and I poured out my heart, I poured out everything that I felt, everything that I I thought marriage would look like. You know, we were pure, like, I I prayed for him from the time I was 15, we were pure when we got married in 2006.
Like, I was like, I did everything right and I'm the 1 receiving all of this. And and and she said, okay, what is the last straw where you will leave him? And I was like, he cheats on me, I'm out. And then I'm like, if he kisses somebody, I'm out. If he looks on someone, oh, And she said, you need to go and you need to pray about what the Lord is telling you to do.
And even And this is I know some of you are like, oh my gosh, I would never do this. This is what she instructed me and it's the greatest advice to this day that I think I've ever been given. She said, are you willing to honor your vows if he doesn't? And I'm like, because she said, those vows aren't just to him, they are to God. So, I, I went away and I We had this really big closet in our house and like I swear the carpet was run-in from where I sat on my knees crying out to God every night.
I went in that spot and I kinda duked it out with God, basically telling him how he was wrong. Just not a great idea. So, I'm just basically like, hey, this is hard. Do you not understand? Like, I did all this for you.
I waited. I was pure. I I gave up so many things to do things your way, and I'm kinda doing this whole "poor pitiful me" thing, and now I'm in this. And and then I settled in and I was like, but man, you you did that for me. Like, you showed me love when I spit in your face.
You showed me love when I cursed you. So then, I was like, okay, God, what do you want me to do? I went through some prayer and and just listening, reading the word, and went back to Becky and I said She said, well, what's your answer? What's the last straw? And I said, unless he turns his heart to another woman, I'm gonna honor my vows.
And then, she said something that I really didn't like because this was in a season when when he was struggling. And she said, okay, go tell him that. And I was like, you want me to give him a pass? Like, you want me to give him permission to look at lust on someone, but I'm not gonna go anywhere? And, she was like, that's your next step.
And, I again, with *God* wrestled, and then I went to him and I I told him, and this wasn't in the middle of a fight, it wasn't when he had confessed something, it wasn't when I caught him being ugly to me or whatever. I went to him on a random day and was like, hey, I love you, and there is nothing that you can do outside of leaving me for another woman. You can kiss someone, you can you can sleep with someone. I told him this, I'm not going anywhere unless you turn away from me to someone else. Could I?
Yeah. Absolutely, I could have. But the heart of God was reconciliation. He's given us the ministry of reconciliation to him and to 1 another. And, I can say 17 years in, I praised the Lord that I didn't leave him.
I praised the Lord that when I had those grounds for divorce, for the the lust, for the marital unfaithfulness, for those things, that I didn't leave him. Because I want what God's heart is for me, for my family, for my marriage. And you should too, and it takes Take it from someone who's walked through it, who walked through it. Even after he was free, I was still dealing with the fear that he wasn't. So, take it from someone who's walked through it.
It's not easy. Following Jesus Jesus never said, follow me and I will make your life so easy. No. He said, come to me, take my yoke on you. I'm yoke is easy and my burden is light.
There's still a yoke and there's still a burden, but because he's carrying it for us, we don't have to take the brunt of it. He actually said that in this life, you will face trouble, but take heart because I've overcome the world. And so what we can do as we have died to ourselves and we're born again to him, we can follow him and do things his way empowered by the Holy Spirit in us. We're not alone in this. And so if you're in the midst of a relationship and you're like, I gotta get out, I gotta get out, I want you to take the word of God and and put it into practice.
I want you to take the heart of God and say, Lord, what do you have for me? If you're in an abusive situation, you you probably need to separate and pray for him, pray for her. There's a a verse I'm sorry, I just kinda took over, man.
You're doing great. It's anointed.
*1 Peter-3:1*, and there's verses like this in first Corinthians, I actually think it's on in 7, it might be in 6, but wives in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands. Remember, we talked last week about this, go and read it, don't get all don't get all twisted because there's the word is submit. Oh my gosh, I'm a slave. No. Go listen to our message last week.
We make it really clear. Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that if any of them does not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. The end goal is 100% always *restoration* and reconciliation, and the only break of that is if 1 spouse turns their heart to another.
That's what she did. She won my heart over to deeper surrender to the Lord in this area by her behavior. So I didn't physically cheat on her, but the Lord says if you look at a Jesus said if you look at a woman with lust in your heart, you've committed adultery. So I was an adulterer. And she, when she said those words to me, those words were packed in mercy and grace.
*Grace* changes people. Right? That grace that she gave me created pressure in me to either run or change, and praise the Lord, his grace empowered change. That's some of the pressure that caused change in me and repentance. It was the way that she submitted to God in our relationship.
That's when I I told you in the beginning, I am who I am because of her prayers and her life. Now, we are who we are because of each other's loving Jesus. My life challenges her forward in faith, in her relationship with Christ, and in love. Her life challenges me forward. When you're both following it's that triangle.
When you're both following Jesus, Jesus at the center, you're going to be growing together. If one's not, then there's gonna be more and more separation and pressure until until either they run to Jesus or run away. Amen? Amen. Have a baptism.
Are are we Are you ready to be baptized or do we need to be changed? I'm ready to Good to go? Okay. Praise the Lord. So we're we're gonna we're gonna do baptism.
That's a that's a great segue from what we just talked about, about full surrender. Mhmm. When you give your life to Jesus, whether you gave your life to Jesus 50 years ago or just right here, you're like, hey, I wanna follow Jesus. The next step is is water baptism as scripture says.
That's right.
We've got the tank, we've got some towels. If it's time for you to take that step, be radically obedient to what God's word baptize you today if you've given your life to Jesus. We're gonna celebrate new life. We're gonna celebrate a step of obedience right now.
That's right. And and so, for for you guys, as we transition to baptism, I know for some maybe this message was heavy hitting. If it was heavy hitting, good. Deal with it. And I'm not saying like, fuck up and do.
I'm saying, deal with it with the Lord. Like, come "face to face" with the reason this hit your heart so heavily, and don't run from him. Run to him. Let him confront what needs to be confronted. Confess, which means agree.
Man, that's not like Jesus, and it's in me. *Lord*, I give it to you. And then adjust your life to begin following him, which means repentance. Turn your life to him. And if Jesus is your Lord, you will see the fruit of that repentance in your life.
You'll see major life adjustments happen, and then you'll see His blessing in those area in those areas. Now, 1 warning, as you do this, if you do this, the enemy doesn't like it. You will also be attacked because he doesn't want you to walk in obedience. Every time you're going to take steps forward in him, the enemy is going to put up a gate to try to prevent you from experiencing the promised land in that area. So you will have resistance.
Stand in what he says instead of what you feel because this ain't all about you. It's about him. And when you lay your life down and quit living for you, you experience the "fullness of who he is". Amen? Amen.
Let's have a baptism. So baptism is a declaration that I'm no longer who I used to be. I am who Jesus says that I am. It's also a step of obedience. Right?
Those those that make the excuse, well, I don't need to be baptized. You know, I'm I'm I'm good. I was born again, and you know, I had gotten baptized before. Look. When you're really born again, you really give your life to Jesus, who wouldn't want to take a step of obedience to what Jesus said to do?
So if you're resisting that, make Jesus the Lord of your life in that area, and just take a step of obedience. It's declaring that you've been made new.
[Speaker 5] [01:00:31] Amen.
[Speaker 2] [01:00:33] Hallelujah. It's showing, when
**[Speaker 3]* [01:00:36]*
you go into the water, death, like, it's showing, I have died with Christ. Everything I've used to feel about myself, everything everybody always told me, if it's not in line with Jesus, it's not in line with who he is, I'm dead to that thing.
[Speaker 2] [01:00:49] It was crucified with Christ.
[Speaker 3] [01:00:51] No longer I who live. It's gone. Buried. Sin nature, crucified on the cross. I've been born of God.
I have his nature now, resurrected with his life in me now, a son of God. Now, I am only who he says that I am, and I'm renewing my mind to the reality of what he says about me. And to the extent that it's not renewed, Lord, I repent. Teach me so that I can follow you so that the waters of baptism look like my life has been completely washed. So
[Speaker 2] [01:01:28] let me turn it over. Yeah.
[Speaker 6] [01:01:32] You gotta stand in that "watery grave" while we talk a second. Kelly Rogers, can you tell me why you've decided to get baptized today?
**[Speaker 5]* [01:01:41]*
So I was baptized when I was about 12 years old, but my whole thing with coming to Real Church is surrendering the savior complex of me being the Savior of everybody. And so, when I was 12, I was trying to do it to get my best friend's mom who was passing away to get baptized, and that's not why you do it. So, yeah, I'm stepping into accepting **God as my father** also, and I've always had a really good relationship with him as Lord and expecting him as that, but now to embrace him as father also is just yeah. So being obedient, about 4 months ago, I was praying that God just I want this temper, especially when, like, working with toddlers all day, like, to just not be there anymore. Like, you heal people from ailments all the time, and he's like, it's not an ailment.
You're not getting your "heart healed". Like, you're getting you you need to separate that flesh from you, so that needs to die. And so he's like, be baptized again. So and then if you do experiencing God, you'll realize that you're gonna experience him in a bunch of different ways to confirm those things. So purple book.
[Speaker 6] [01:03:01] That's awesome. Praise the Lord. Kelly, do you believe that Jesus is your Lord? Is he your Lord?
[Speaker 5] [01:03:08] "Yes, ma'am".
**[Speaker 6]* [01:03:08]*
Alright. Let's sit you down on this profession of your faith. We baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.